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The secrets, the hiding, the lying, the denial, the stolen moments, becoming someone whose behavior does not match one’s self-image or presumed values… And yet I find myself “sweating the small stuff.” For instance, leaving her at night knowing she will be in his bed. He is still not living in their home and they are having an ongoing discussion about the end of their marriage. And it is tough to find one’s self in a position of cognitive dissonance and self-recrimination.